Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
