so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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