I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
