I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize