i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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