At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
