I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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