I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
