My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
