hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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