you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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