You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
