We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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