Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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