Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
