if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
