Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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