so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
