All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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