Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
