Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
