I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
