I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
