he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
