Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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