a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
