I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
