if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
