Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I cannot find my penis.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
