girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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