My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize