I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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