i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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