Sponge bath it is.
You smell like stripper and shame
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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