thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Someone shattered a urinal.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Randomize
