Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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