Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
