Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
