Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize