So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
