there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Vodka?
Forever.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
