I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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