p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
