Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
