Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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