and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
