didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
