Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
