Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
