Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He kissed a someone with a penis
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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