I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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