so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
