I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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