Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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