I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
