My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
