just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
