if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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