dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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