is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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