what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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