i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
