i permit you to call me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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