It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
