You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
