mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
