New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
