I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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