you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
