I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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