perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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